Are you tired of hearing about how the opposite sex is really attracted to someone with “self-confidence?” I know that I am. So you try to generate that self-confident and, if you’re like me, you start thinking “wait, I’ve turned into a Narcissist!” Perhaps I already am so. I don’t think I’m all to different from others on either side of the gender fence.
Let’s get to the meat of it. How do you know if you’re leaning too close to the “all about me” or the “I know I can do it” side of life. Here’s some great information I found when researching the differences.
You know you’re a Narcissist if:
- you feel you are self-entitiled
- you have to find ways to get attention
- you feel if you don’t get that needed attention, you go to others
- if you have to feel good about yourself and judge your self-worth based on complements from others
- you have to know that people are talking about your superior talents
- you find the need to exaggerate your worth
- you don’t get fulfillment from the items above, you feel worthless and fall into a depression
You know if you have Self-Confidence if:
- you are goal-oriented and want to win with no false promises
- you can describe yourself as persuasive but not manipulative
- you are motivated by achievements instead of power or control
- you value dignity over notoriety
- you know who you are as a person and truly understand your personality
We as humans are born narcissists. Cavemen had to worry all about themselves to survive, what to eat, where to sleep kind of stuff. As newborns we’re the same way. We get older and we develop social skills and realize that we can make people feel good by that interaction. I, personally, find that acceptance by way of humor. I can connect with a human being by making them laugh. To this day, there is never been a baby I wasn’t able to make laugh. Yes. I gloat. However, as I have become a man of a certain age, I investigated the differences in the descriptions listed above in myself. I found myself closer to the previous rather than than the latter. So… Houston, I have a problem. I decided to move out of the rut and become more considerate of others. I decided that there is ALWAYS one good thing I can say about someone I am having a problem with and I can build on it. Have I faltered? Yes. Plenty of times. I’m honest enough to let you know that and I’m not going to be narcissistic enough not to admit it. (See what I did there?)
Narcissists are really self destructing. They will never acheive the happiness that they have built up in their mind and they believe they possess. How can they rescue the person that already thinks they’re the ones that do the saving? Experts say the first thing you should do is to know your enemy. For a narcissist, THEY are that enemy within. Moving your self-worth to the positive belief in your abilities will allow you to find out what kind of person you really are. Once you figure it out, you have to use that discovery to build the self -confidence you need.
I was once told something early in my life that has always stuck with me: “In order to truely forget about your problems in life, you must help others overcome theirs.” This mantra is totally against a narcissists belief system. Its one of the most effective ways to beat the devil inside. The guidelines, however, is to not lose yourself in other’s quandries. The one you help in the long run will look to you as one that cares and is not self absorbed. You, in return, will gain the self-confidence you need and, yes, that little something the green monster within actually needs. The more you do this process that green monster shrinks down to nothing.
If you’re a self admitted narcissist, you actually already possess a positive that’s going to help fix those negative traits. Build your self esteem without wearing the masks of self-exaggerated worth. If you’re a self admitted narcissist you know you’re already strong so why faking it?
A self-confident person knows his boundaries. He strives to find ways to go beyond them without breaking the rules. He is a person that doesn’t have to worry at night if someone is screwing them over. He builds on his successes with a self-inventory once he has achieved a goal. A self-confident person recognizes those who have allowed him the opportunity and mentored him during his challenge.
Most importantly, a self-confident person is happy.
What do you believe is the biggest difference between narcissism and self-confident? What have you done to develop self-confidence over narcissism? What’s the best advice anyone has ever given you to better yourself?
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