Continue reading »]]> Are you tired of hearing about how the opposite sex is really attracted to someone with “self-confidence?” I know that I am. So you try to generate that self-confident and, if you’re like me, you start thinking “wait, I’ve turned into a Narcissist!” Perhaps I already am so. I don’t think I’m all to different from others on either side of the gender fence.

Let’s get to the meat of it. How do you know if you’re leaning too close to the “all about me” or the “I know I can do it” side of life. Here’s some great information I found when researching the differences.

You know you’re a Narcissist if:

• you feel you are self-entitiled
• you have to find ways to get attention
• you feel if you don’t get that needed attention, you go to others
• if you have to feel good about yourself and judge your self-worth based on complements from others
• you have to know that people are talking about your superior talents
• you find the need to exaggerate your worth
• you don’t get fulfillment from the items above, you feel worthless and fall into a depression

You know if you have Self-Confidence if:

• you are goal-oriented and want to win with no false promises
• you can describe yourself as persuasive but not manipulative
• you are motivated by achievements instead of power or control
• you value dignity over notoriety
• you know who you are as a person and truly understand your personality

We as humans are born narcissists. Cavemen had to worry all about themselves to survive, what to eat, where to sleep kind of stuff. As newborns we’re the same way. We get older and we develop social skills and realize that we can make people feel good by that interaction. I, personally, find that acceptance by way of humor. I can connect with a human being by making them laugh. To this day, there is never been a baby I wasn’t able to make laugh. Yes. I gloat. However, as I have become a man of a certain age, I investigated the differences in the descriptions listed above in myself. I found myself closer to the previous rather than than the latter. So… Houston, I have a problem. I decided to move out of the rut and become more considerate of others. I decided that there is ALWAYS one good thing I can say about someone I am having a problem with and I can build on it. Have I faltered? Yes. Plenty of times. I’m honest enough to let you know that and I’m not going to be narcissistic enough not to admit it. (See what I did there?)

Narcissists are really self destructing. They will never acheive the happiness that they have built up in their mind and they believe they possess. How can they rescue the person that already thinks they’re the ones that do the saving? Experts say the first thing you should do is to know your enemy. For a narcissist, THEY are that enemy within. Moving your self-worth to the positive belief in your abilities will allow you to find out what kind of person you really are. Once you figure it out, you have to use that discovery to build the self -confidence you need.

I was once told something early in my life that has always stuck with me: “In order to truely forget about your problems in life, you must help others overcome theirs.” This mantra is totally against a narcissists belief system. Its one of the most effective ways to beat the devil inside. The guidelines, however, is to not lose yourself in other’s quandries. The one you help in the long run will look to you as one that cares and is not self absorbed. You, in return, will gain the self-confidence you need and, yes, that little something the green monster within actually needs. The more you do this process that green monster shrinks down to nothing.

If you’re a self admitted narcissist, you actually already possess a positive that’s going to help fix those negative traits. Build your self esteem without wearing the masks of self-exaggerated worth. If you’re a self admitted narcissist you know you’re already strong so why faking it?

A self-confident person knows his boundaries. He strives to find ways to go beyond them without breaking the rules. He is a person that doesn’t have to worry at night if someone is screwing them over. He builds on his successes with a self-inventory once he has achieved a goal. A self-confident person recognizes those who have allowed him the opportunity and mentored him during his challenge.

Most importantly, a self-confident person is happy.
What do you believe is the biggest difference between narcissism and self-confident? What have you done to develop self-confidence over narcissism? What’s the best advice anyone has ever given you to better yourself?

Continue reading »]]> There is always a talk that we as a culture have forgotten our manners. The chivalrous days are long gone some say and I say… that’s bunk. I feel that people do nice, courteous things its just that we’ve forgotton our manners on how to say “thank you”. Its a slippery slope what I am about to enter with this article because I do not want to give the impression that I’m an ungrateful pig. Maybe I am. That’s why I need your help.

Is it wrong to get mad when you’re in traffic, waiting patiently for the light to turn green and you see someone trying to ease into the lane you’re in? Common courtesy is to go ahead and allow that person in. I have absolutely no problem with that. (There is an unwritten rule, though, that says you’re only allowed to let one car while waiting.) What urks me is when you let said car into the lane and that person doesn’t acknowledge the supreme sacrifice you just made with just A SIMPLE HAND WAVE. That’s all! This procedure lets us know that we live in a world where we can nice to each other and not worry about what lies ahead as a culture. Why is this so hard for people to comprehend? Now, the next time the opportunity arrives you second guess yourself if you should offer such a deed. And THAT is where we are as humans. Its not that we don’t want to help its just the notion that we will not get recognized for such a simple gesture.

Ok, this is the point of the story where you are thinking “You shouldn’t do something nice to expect a ‘thank you’ and if you’re doing for that, you’ve missed the point, Mitch.” Alright, that’s fair to think but as earlier stated, its human nature. Right?

Here’s another example that actually makes me sad more than it makes me mad. The other day I had taken my wife out to eat. This place was crowded to the point that “standing room only” is clearly a fire hazard. We were lucky enough to get seats in the waiting area and we sat down. My wife got up and left to powder her nose or whatever women do and told me to stay where I’m and we’d find other seats when she came back. At this point I looked up and noticed an elderly couple walk in. Being the awesome person that I am (humble too) I offered up my seat and the recently vacant seat next to me for the couple. They clearly heard me tell them that they could have my place and they took it. All I wanted was a moment in time to know that I just added joy to an elderly person’s life. I wanted to give them hope that the world isn’t such a cynical place and that love is all around us. I didn’t get one. Nadda, nothing. I think the woman, who could completely speak and understand English even looked at me weird.

Crushed.

At this point in my moral devistation, I accept that I have become the old guy that complains about the youth and how they have lost their civic dignity. Only its opposite. I’m complaining that the greatest generation before me doesn’t even do it. I would imagine that we’re not the ones reciprocating the love by acknowledging a kind gesture. From opening a door for someone to picking up something that a person dropped then running after them to give it back. We have to remember that kind deeds HAVE to go both ways.

I want to take the time now to thank you for reading this article.

What bothers you when it comes to the lack of common courtesies? Do you expect a “thank you?” Are you doing the deed for the wrong reason if you’re expecting you?

Continue reading »]]>

courtesy windibwrites

This is NOT a ‘Battle of the Sexes” story. I’m coming clean to the ladies. My Uncle passed something on to me that I found quite true. Men are just happier people. Why? We’re just simple. I’m talking in the terms of things we worry about. He gave me some great examples too.

Nicknames

If we don’t know the name of someone that we should, we have the built-in nickname of “Buddy.”  However, when it comes to their real friends, we all have nickname like “Fat Ass”, “Stinky” or the occasional “Dead Tooth.” Find out what happens if women ever do that.  Make sure you have a video camera ready.  The problem is that men will continue to call the guy “Buddy” or something of that nature, until we hear someone else call him by his real name. Basically, we don’t go out of our way to find out a name unless we think that person can do something to benefit us.

Tipping

Guys will go for whatever is the easiest when it comes to the bill at dinner. Meaning, whatever the largest denomination of money is in their wallet, goes right on the table. Its more so when the waitress is  hot.  Women love to do the math and make the division of the tab into a nice even, fair amount.

Arguments

Men just want to just finish an argurment. However, we don’t realize that its not over if you say the very last word. It’s still an argument. I’ve also learned one thing. When I am asked “WHAT?” it’s not because she didn’t understand what I said, she’s wondering why I even said it.

Kids

Even if you’re the best Dad in the world, it’s Mom that knows everything about the kids. I just know stuff like “pick him up at school.” She knows, where to go, what time the bell is, what part of the parking lot he’ll be waiting, the name of the Principal if he’s no there and she’ll know to ask if he ate his lunch she prepared. She knows this because we stop by Taco Bell on the way home.

Details

I’m telling ya, I have hard enough time remembering character’s names in movies… while I am watching the movie. Women have the uncanny ability to remember every detail. If they’ve forgotten the name of a certain character, they can tell you, in detail what they were wearing, their eye color, the style of their hair, and purse and/or accessory they had in one of any scene they were in.  They can go on to recite to you the decor of the room, clothes in a closet and they are very keen on picking out any chemistry between two characters in a scene.  We’re talking about our Hero talking to the Front Desk girl when he’s checking in to the hotel.

I am not throwing in the towel here. Its just honesty. Men have it better off and since we know all of this, guess what? We’re actually smarter because of it. Why? By playing the underlings, we just sit back and have women find ways to make us better human beings. I believe in most cultures, this process is called “laziness” on our part, but in the end, its why we love you so much.

There’s got to be some other unrealized differences between men and women that you know of. What are your scenerios?

Continue reading »]]> I’m sure anyone reading this has had to deal with a cop at one point in their life.  I’m talking about being pulled over, hearing “the speech” from him and accepting the $300 ticket for going over the speed limit.   I’m also sure you didn’t like doing it and there was some sort of justification for doing what you did.  But is there any of you that think, “c’mon, really?  66 in a 55?”

Now, I’m very thankful for our police officers and I completely realize that they put their life on the line each and every day they put the uniform on.  But aren’t there some laws that should really be under the category of “look the other way?”.  Speeding in particularly.  Going 11 miles over the speed limit on a dry, empty road at 3am really shouldn’t warrant a violation.  An obvious pullover by the police, sure, just so you can hear the speech and let’s face it, to make sure you’re not drunk, driving on a suspended license or you have a warrant for your arrest.

The argument will be that there has to be order in society and 11 miles over the speed limit is breaking the law.  I’m not advocating anarchy, I’m just saying that giving a driver a break would actually put law enforcement in a good light.  It does for me.  I’m always honest when I talk to them. I admit that I was doing something wrong, but I’ve never told them that I’d never do it again… we know that I will. I’ll hear about stats that tell me about how the statistics are higher when driving faster and my rebuttal is what about when I don’t get in a wreck?    To get down to it, getting a ticket is more of  ’revenue enforcement’ than making it safer on the empty roads.  School zones and neighborhoods are the exception.  There are perdestians and more variables to worry about.

Are there other laws that should be excusable or worth just a warning?  Flashing lights to communicate approaching speed traps? How about alimony laws?  Members of the military under 21 being able to drink?  How about this, what laws SHOULD be enacted?

Continue reading »]]> The TV I got back in the dawning of HD has made its way to TV Heaven, the same place that the shows like Arrested Development, Seinfeld and The Misfits of Science have gone on to live.  It was a great TV, we shared some good times with it, had some laughs  but perhaps we got a little too close to the Sun.  I have no idea what that means either, but I do know that losing the “big” TV in the house, I have found myself actually enjoying things more than usual.

Look, like most of us, I grew up on TV.  Not like my parents plopping me down in front of it to “babysit” me but rather learning so much about pop culture , how to act cool or what jokes can I talk about the next morning at school with my friends.  I’ll never turn on TV (well, at least my back) when it searches for an audience.  I love TV.  However, I’m HIGHLY considering opting out getting a new one.  I have a certain one that I like.  Great picture, remote control, Hi-Def, and can hook up to the internet to watch movies.  Wait, can’t my computer do the same thing?

With so much content available on the web, why get a 55″ boob tube?  Technology has made it to the point where all we need is one cord into our house an we’re golden. Sales of TVs has been dropping and I wonder if there are others out there that are just like me.  You know, we’re not a Technophobe yet it seems like its a redundancy to have a TV and Computer these days.

What about you? if your main TV blew, would you wait until you replaced it? Are we becoming too “connected?”

Continue reading »]]> “Leave it at the door.”  I have learn to live with that adage.  However, its probably not the way you think.  Instead of leaving your troubles problems and in certain situations -weapons, I live by the rule of leaving work at the work door.  That way, I don’t have to bring it home to my front door.  I hear stories all the time about how a person “has” to do something at/from home and granted there are always those situations where it warrants.  But if you’re really wanting to be happy in life, you leave your work at the door… when you’re walking out.

I get it, with downsizing, job loads, and a demanding boss, the crap from the place you spend 8-12 hours a day is now finding itself in your living room.  Why not hire out your kids or your wife? Outsource it! Apparently, your workplace has given you the responsibility to have your assignment done.  They never told you that YOU are the one to do it.  And that stress we hear about, why live with it? Your crazy uncle can handle your workload on those TPS reports.  I’m being facetious,of course, but there is a point in your life where you have to decide if you’re cut out to take all the stupid crap and minuscule assignments that your paycheck delivers.   Ask yourself on all assignments: Do they want this good, fast or cheap?  However, they can only pick two.  If you want something good and fast, its not going to be cheap.  If you want something fast and cheap, it won’t be good.  But the last combination, good and cheap,  that’s where you pay attention.  You’ve described your job.

During that 8-12 hours a day did you keep your job simple? Did you plan, plan and then plan? Did you speak up? If you can delegate, did you? Did you do what the job required?  Did you do your best? Answer the majority of these questions with a “yes” and you should have zero guilt.   Look, thats what leaders do. Especially the part of delegation.  It’s called “Objective Management” and Its not handing your job off to another person, its allowing them the opportunity to learn more.  I mean, you can’t just pile on work because you don’t want to do it.  You do what is required of you and if its an over-abundance, then you go for help or just delegate.

Its ok to leave your work problems at work. Honest. Ask any therapist and they’ll tell you the same (wow, imagine if they didn’t.)You just can’t give a lackadaisical attitude about your job. WORK HARD.  WORK SMART. BUT LEAVE IT AT THE DOOR!

Remember, its ok to say no. If you think they are getting an employee that’s good and cheap, then say something.  Then explain that you’ll give them the 8-10 hours a day and you’ll leave it at the door.  Choose your words wisely.   You’re done. Goodbye.  Literally say to yourself out loud “I’m done and I’m headed home”  when you walk out that door. Show’s over.

Continue reading »]]> Sanctimonious.

Its the one personality trait, even above honesty, that will grate the inner linings of my soul.  I know, right about now you are probably thinking that I am going to go the anti-religion route.  Soooooo not the case.  I do want to tell you that I’ve been guilty of being sanctimonious.  Making a show of being morally superior to other people is in our DNA.  Ok, I don’t have proof positive but I am certain its in every comedian.   We feel better about ourselves when we can find faults in others.   Why this whole article is sanctimonious.  I’m trying to tell you that the one thing that defines a “good person” is if they accept people and their beliefs they way they are but more specifically, at least have an open mind and no blinders on.

courtesy boomerinthepew.com

Maybe I am going a little Rodney King here when I tell you we should get along and accept personality traits from every human being.  I have so many faults, enough to let you borrow, or even have, and STILL have a surplus.  It’s been my experience that those who boast that they have an open mind are the ones in reality that really do not.    Going into every discussion or argument with “THE WAY I THINK IS RIGHT AND YOU’RE WRONG” will pretty much get you to the same place where you started.  To degrade a person’s ideas, or that its not even open for discussion, is truly taxing on a person’s attitude and their outlook on life.  Those that overcome it generally will make the conclusion that they actually put to thought ideas or beliefs outside of their comfort zone.  While they didn’t convert, they did implement an idea that would harbor understanding of the entire issue.  This allows them to stay close to their morals or belief core while expanding and strengthening their own values.

I had a roommate that was like this.  He and I are on the polar opposite side of the spectrum when it comes to politics.  I felt one way, he felt the other.  What I always appreciated  was the fact that no matter how I felt about a certain issue, he would actually listen instead of making me feel like I was stupid for my ideology.  That, in turn, allowed me to keep my blinders off and actually learn something.  While a majority of what we discussed didn’t change my mind, there were instances of when I realized I hadn’t thought of it that way.  No doubt my friend felt the same way about where I stood.  Those were some of the best conversations I had.  I thank him for it.

Now on to religion.  Why can’t we realize that it’s different strokes for different folks? Why do we use fear or condemn another just because they believe another way? Why do we have to have groups of people that protest funerals, the very time where compassion should be at a paramount? Why can’t we just realize what works for us is what works for us.  Share your beliefs instead of pounding it into others ears that they are completely wrong.  Be an example.  Show compassion.  Isn’t the core of religion anyway? (at this point of this blog post, you’re really thinking how is he going to get out of this one without sounding sanctimonious.  Aren’t ya? Well, its ok.  You can rest assured that I don’t think I am any better than you.  Swear.  Pinky swear.  That’s a  personal conversation and not a blog post.)

Here’s something that has worked for me, use it if you like, don’t if you don’t.  It  actually helped me and was part of me overcoming my pigheadedness and it has taken plenty of stress from my life.  At some point in a conversation that you realize its not going anywhere, “One up” the person you’re debating with.  One up? Yes. “One up.” Here’s what I’m talking about.  In the meat of your argument/heated discussion, drop that wall of pride you take with you into battle and simply say “…hummm, that’s an interesting way to think about it.  I suppose I can see how it would make you feel that way.”  It doesn’t matter if you’re debating over the color of oranges or Health Care Reform or that dreaded differences of religion discussion.  Its not saying that you agree, its not saying that the person is wrong.  Its mainly telling them that you’re the one with an open mind.  It’ll also eventually break down the wall the person had built to keep their fight strong.

All in all, why does it matter what people think anyway? Why are we all so hell-bent on changing peoples mind.  Obviously, if its a matter of hate or an idea that would harm another human then yes! Fight like hell for your beliefs.  But I’m telling you that the hippy down in break room or the right-wing suit that hangs out by your desk isn’t going to change your mind by a few simple words.  It’ll tell that person that having a willingness to listen can’t be all that bad.

Do you know someone like this? How do you deal with that situation? Have you EVER won over a polar-opposite-of-your-beliefs conversation?  Any other good ideas when dealing with the person that’s…ummm…sanctimonious?

Continue reading »]]>

I LOVE interacting with my fans. Whether it’s on Facebook, Twitter or here, on my blog. But I want to concentrate my post on Twitter. I always feel guilty when I have to drop someone on Twitter. Why? Well, mainly it’s because of over-tweeting. Like every other minute. I hate the link tweeter. I kind of feel it’s always a bait and switch. Great post with a link. Then it’s a view from the backseat of a Chicago area cab. Ok, it’s cool. Fun stuff, but don’t over tweet by showing me every other corner from the backseat of said cab. I also don’t care for the constant tweets with profanity. I’m not a goody two shoes, but I am sure there other people don’t like to see it either.

Another reason is that it’s important to clean out your list. I use Tweetdeck and the more people you follow, the more tweets are shown. Then I miss out on comments I can use on the show. So, I clean out my list and I gotta tell ya, every unfollow brings 140 characters of guilt.

Should I feel bad? What are the reasons you unfollow people? Is it a good idea to clean out your list? Do you feel different about me because I have “Twitter Standards?”

Continue reading »]]> After I posted Junior Doctor’s Video I remembered that I never posted the other music video I did. Ty Williams asked me if I would be in his video for “Barn on a Rooftop. I was stoked, we had a blast shooting it in Nashville. Check it out and let me know what you think.

Untitled from Mitch English on Vimeo.