Do only stupid people fly?


I’m on SWA flying back from Nashville. Which, by the way is a really cool town. The video shoot for Ty Williams was really fun. He’s a cool guy. We got to get a taste of Nashville too. Last night when we wrapped we went back to our car and heard a gunshot. Then a mass of people running. Then speeding cop cars. It was kinda cool.
However, that’s not the subject off my post. It’s about this airline. While I do not agree with their boarding policies and the fact it’s a free for all when looking for a seat, it’s more of the fact that they apparently listen to Lawyers when designing their lavatories too. Note picture. They have to actually explain to people how to throw trash away. Up to this moment, I never realized that throwing away a towel I just used to clean my hands actually took TWO hands to throw away in the trash, or legal speak “refuse receptical”. Do you really believe that we’re that stupid?
I realize that these economic times that companies are tightening their belt and airfare has gone up. I don’t fault them. It’s just policy. Like the boarding policy of allowing wheelchair bound and families with children to board first. Wheelchairs, ok. I can’t argue with that. But Southwest, how about reserving space in the back for the fams? You know when families are traveling together. It’s in those computers you tap away on during check in. Do you think we’re so stupid that we’ll not figure out assign seating?
Here’s the solution: Ok, fine. You get to get on first but you have to sit in the back. That’s where screaming kids should sit. IT’S CLOSER TO THE LAVATORY TOO! Wow! What a concept. Right now. My hand to God, there is a kid singing “I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” very loudly. Parents think it’s cute. I think it’s freaking July and that kid has a better seat than me. I’m sitting here in the middle seat with two other guys while future Pageant Queen Courtney is sitting in 3A. Here’s more! She’ll get off this plan first. Why? Well obviously she’s in front, but we’ll have to wait for mom and dad to gather the 15 bags they brought and watch Courtney figure out how to get the buckle undone. Listen, Mom and Dad, just because they tell you to affix the oxygen mask first doesn’t mean you have to let Courtney figure out how to get off this plane. Here’s the next problem with your open seat policy: the plane is packed. The unfortunate people that had to get on last don’t know that the back is completely full. So the “turn around and pray for an overhead compartment while finding a seat” parade begins. You’re now no longer the 7th to last person to get a seat, you’re now the absolute last person because the line had to change directions. Brilliant. And why is open seating so dang important to you? It’s only important to families. Families make up a unbelieveably small percentage of who flies your airline. This goes back to the economy and business travel.
So I go back to stupid people. Maybe it’s more of stupid policy. Just as stupid is the placard that explains how to throw away trash, because of some company’s lawyers worries, so is the policy on this open seating. I believe Greyhound busses have the same policy.

One more thing on flying. This time it’s etiquette. Hey drunk Cougars in front of me- Yeah, You two in seats 11A and 11B that are thinking we’re still back in the airport bar where you apparently met the old dude sitting next to you— it’s called courtesy. When you are LITERALLY bursting out with loud drunk laughter that is CLEARLY bothering other passengers, keep in mind that we all know you’re looking forward to your “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” weekend in Orlando but we don’t want the party now. We came to read or watch a movie or God forbid WRITE a Blog post on how miserable this flight is. I can’t even close my eyes because they keep jerking back and forth in their seat with laughter. I can’t imagine what it’s like to the passengers in front of them. Is this the first time you hags have flown? AND YES, I AM THE JACKASS ON TV THAT IS OBNOXIOUS WRITING THIS!! But, hell, even i have a filter and know when to shut up when no one wants to hear it!

The flight attendants must get tired of this. They have also gotta get tired of the same lame jokes about airplane saftey they just spewed out on the previous flight from Debuque. They usually go through the warn-out set once we land. Thenmg the fuselage is treated to courtesy chuckles and the unneeded applause when we land. Ok, I’ll give you the latter…with all these planes going down and holes in the roofs, I can see why people are grateful for this flight of apparent fancy.

Sorry. This post turned into therapy. I’m just waiting for the day that policy falls into my lap and drunk Cougars have to sit back with Courtney and obvious deaf Mom and Dad.

I still love my job.

ISYWILAY – Mitch

Rock forth, Mitch
ISYWILAY

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2 Comments on Do only stupid people fly?

  1. I was flying yesterday and right before the plane took off this huge dude walked in (bigger than you, Mitch). Seriously he must have weighed 400+ lbs. He had to turn sideways in the aisle. Sure enough he got the middle seat between two pretty good sized guys to start with. (I wasn't worried because I already WAS in the middle seat between two other dudes…) Anyway he squeezed himself in and using a seatbelt extender (might have been two) got latched in for the flight…spilling over on the other two guys in the row on either side of him. The flight was completely full. Not one seat available anywhere. They were screwed…Well the plane pulled out of the gate but the pilot said there was trouble with an a/c unit so he wanted to get it checked out before we took off (isn't it like 50 degrees up there?) so I zoned out and fell asleep. I didn't even wake up for the take off so I must have been out at least 30 or 40 minutes when I woke up and looked over as saw the huge guy filling both his middle seat AND the aisle seat. Now, we had left the gate. There were no available seats anywhere so where did the guy sitting in the aisle seat go? There is only one logical conclusion…the huge guy must have eaten him. Happy flying all!

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